In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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