Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
