he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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