she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just had sex bonerless
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
