He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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