made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
