How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
