Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
