so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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