i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
only you would photoshop your dick
bring money and cleavage
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
