Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
