My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
