alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Boobs speak an international language.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
