whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
