Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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