so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
