Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
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