Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
