Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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