Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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