Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
