don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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