we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize