Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
