And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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