im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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