i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
