But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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