Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
