I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
