I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
