What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
