"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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