your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
