I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
