I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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