I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
