the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
