Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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