The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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