I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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