Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
