There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
