How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize