Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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