...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
