is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
