im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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