Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
