Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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