haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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