i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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