All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
