he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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