it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
