If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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