i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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