Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
