Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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