i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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