I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My vagina just recognized that song.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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