oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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