I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
