How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
