He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Are we still banned from the library?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
