What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Everything about him screamed your future.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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