im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
