Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
